8 Technological Advances we can do without

It is undeniable that certain advances in technology have bettered us as a human race. Modern medicine, environmentally friendly automobiles and the internet (sometimes) are feats well accomplished and properly enjoyed. But there are certain items we can do without, and I have compiled a top ten list

1) Automated Telephone Operators
We've all been there. An unknown charge on our credit card, a discrepancy with an insurance company, an electric bill lost in the mail. There are situations where it is absolutely necessary to talk to an actual human being. Unfortunately today, we are forced to not only communicate with an automated machine, but we are also forced to turn ourselves into a number, be it our account number, SSN or what have you. As consumers- and simply human beings, we deserve real person-to-person conversation.

2)Terrorist Color Coding
As a mere 22 year old woman, I myself remember a time where I could carry my bottle of water onto the plane and *gasp*, keep my shoes ON during the security checkpoint. Now, I face long checking lines, random screenings and all sorts of unmopped gunk on the floor of the airport touching my bare feet because the "Terrorist Alert Level" is code orange. If anyone knows what determines these colors, please let me know. 9/11 scared the hell out of many, but the process of air travel since is something equally horrific.

3) Twitter
Come on, at least facebook and myspace give you a little more than just constant updates on the pasttimes of random strangers. For a more in depth critique, check out Damon Darlin's "Technology doesn't dumb us down. It frees our minds", from the New York Times.

4) Wireless Keyboard and Mouse (Mice)?
It is certainly a luxury to sit anywhere in you living room and be able to check email, facebook or what have you. Comfortable in your lounge chair, organizing your iTunes without a care in the world- sounds heavenly and indulgent. Until both your mouse and keyboard run out of their required AA batteries and force you to make a quick run to CVS. Just ditch them for the original computer chair and desk, or be prepared for this bi-monthly.

5) Guitar Hero
I will localize more than simply bashing all videogames, which of course we all know are fairly useless. But whoever started the rumor that Guitar Hero "really does make you good at playing music" is grossly misinformed. Hours spent attempting to imitate favorite rock songs is one thing, but believing it will improve your status as an aspiring rock star? Sad.



6) Daytime Broadcast Television
There is a serious problem with the world when even the biggest douchebaggington can land his/her own mind-numbing talk show. Steve Wilkos is living, breathing proof that we've become too frivilous with what we put on our television stations. I can find no reason why stories of children with 19 possible fathers should have their stories broadcast nationally.



7) The Tootsie Tanner
This is one of the most absurd products I've ever seen, and I've seen alot. Not surprisingly, I discovered it in SkyMall Magazine, which may as well be called "Completely Useless Shit Monthly". If you want to tan your feet and absolutely nothing else, this is the product for you. $200 can guarantee no more embarassing sock tan lines!



8)Handerpants
Finally! Underpants for your hands! How did primitive human beings survive without this wonderful breakthrough in accessory technology?! No more chafing! They keep your hands and gloves clean after even the toughest jobs. I wonder how they hold up to skidmarks...
*YES THIS PRODUCT IS ACTUALLY REAL*