Encouraged ignorance

A colleague of mine brought a certain article to my attention earlier today that I am simplied speechless over. Well, at least was. Now I've grappled with it and can verbalize my absolute disgust. An elementary school in Menifee, California actually came up with the idea of banning dictionaries from school classrooms. Yes, and institute of education has made the conscious decision to stop the learning right when unknown words come about.
This controversy started over a couple of playful 9-year-olds who expressed curiosity over the term "oral sex". After discovering the definition, they did what any other kid with that information would do- tell absolutely everyone they know. So eventually, the teacher found out, an uproar occurred and "Merriam-Webster" was no longer a classroom name.
There is really no point in laying out all the reasons that this extreme solution was an incorrect one. Students will never be able to look up new words or even ones they come across everyday and are just not sure the definition. Nouns, adjectives, verbs all mesh together into indecipherable jibberish, with a serious lack of vocabulary. Kids shouldn't be allowed, let alone encouraged to learn on their own terms!
So how long is long enough before these prepubescent brats get their dictionaries back? I suppose it doesn't matter. After all, if you can't look up "oral sex" in a dictionary, just wait until after school when the kids sit at dad's computer and look up "oral sex" on the internet. I'm sure Google can provide a much more vivid image than Merriam-Webster ever could.

It just gets easier and easier

Not unlike millions of other consumers, I love Amazon.com. I can find anything and everything I ever wanted, or didn't know I wanted or didn't even know existed at the click of my mouse. Food, clothing, books, electronics, we all know that amazon's got it. For me, I love the camping stuff. They sold me my first air mattress- how could I not fall in love?
I, also not unlike millions of others, have a rather strong spending addiction. I want exactly what it is I don't have, and I usually have just about everything. Because of future plans, I decided I needed to stop buying so much shit. I have done so successfully, although not without falling back into old habits. But I did, however determine that since my consumption has decreased significantly, I would do the unimaginable- save my credit card information on a retailer's website. After a brief contemplation between websites including Top Shop, Etsy and others, I declared that there is no other website worthy of having my info. Amazon, you had me at "Here are some suggestions for you". Ahhh.
So assuming that I was on top of the shoppers wagon, I programmed in my payment information, ready to shop readily- and responsibly- on my favorite page. That was until I noticed something only a few scrolls down.
What I saw shocked and appalled me. Well, not really but it was certainly worth a second glance. Apparently programming your information into one website is SO LAST YEAR! Now, consumers can choose a convenient "Payphrase" which not only eliminates credit card typing at all, but encourages spending more than a sample sale. This phenomenon of "payphrases" allow the consumer to pick a catch phrase (for me, Amazon recommended "Em's Glorious Consciousness) that can be used not only on the one website, but thousands of others across the web. By simply typing in your personal "Payphrase", that validates you identity, your bank account and your money. How simple?!
For anyone who has been hidden under a rock for the past 8 years, identity theft couldn't be higher. It goes without saying that it is certainly easier for a hacker to catch onto a "payphrase" to make purchases than to go through all that trouble to find credit cards numbers, etc.
I think my "payphrase" will be "Account overdrawn, acceptance denied".

Hair vs. Chin

**My apologies for being MIA this past month- work and babies can be a life-consuming combination....***

NBC announced on Tuesday, January 12 that after only 7 months of "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien", the network will be giving the spot back to Jay Leno. The 60 year old chin was given a 10:30 slot on NBC as an olive branch for being replaced by the much younger- and much funnier- hair. This battle of hair vs. chin will only continue, since it was also announced that Conan was robbed completely of any slot on NBC late night, and the schedule will go strsight from Jay to Jimmy! And as NBC has so clearly pointed out to us, double Js can't be beat.
To add insult to injury, Conan is stuck in a multi-year contract with NBC, preventing him from working for another network until, well, the NBC gods allow it. So I can't help but ask the question- Why won't Jay Leno just go away? What kind of 60 year old millionaire would publicly and pompously demand back his job after being rightfully replaced? I liked Jay Leno up until I turned 12, strayed from my over-the-hill-parents, and developed a sense of humor. To put it plainly, Conan O'Brien is a funnier comedian than Jay Leno, and coupled with Andy Richter, they make a view worthy team. He appeals to a much younger, hipper audience, something that Leno is lacking entirely. No one between the ages of 12 and 55 can honestly say they're not ready for Leno to be booted.
Regardless, NBC's desperate attempt to leave fourth place standing managed to piss off Conan to the point that he began addressing the "People of Earth" to say he'd rather work with classier people-like those in hard core porn (paraphrase of course).
Just give Conan a high profile lawyer to get him an hour-long show on a premium cable network (Showtime, HBO, wink wink) and give him the budget to conduct any obscenity he wishes. The chin can stick to played out Headlines for senior citizens.

State Appoiinted Guardians

I recently began tutoring a young man who was born with cerebral palsy. At 20 years old, he took some time out from school, is back, and I am tutoring him for his last year of high school. As mentioned in a previous blog, Ethan uses ECOT- Electronic Classroom of Tomorrow- which is frankly one of the absolute worst ways I've seen for students to actually learn and maintain information. But I am focusing now on this young man's life.
Complications during birth caused Ethan to be born with cerebral palsy. He is forever in a wheelchair, has no use of his legs or right arm and has difficulty speaking. After he was born, it was determined that this birth defect was a result of negligence and malpractice on part of the local hospital- Athens, Ohio's Obleness Memorial Hospital. Ethan and his family won a multimillion dollar resulting case. Needless to say. Ethan is financially secure for the rest of his life.
With the money, Ethan's parents purchased a home, littered with expenses- kitchen appliances, stereos, cars- all the workings for a lavish lifestyle. Unfortunately, his parents were interested in themselves. Both parents went to prison for stealing Ethan's money. His mother was even jailed for stealing and trying to pawn the house's oven and range.
For those who are unaware, stealing from a disabled person is a felony, and Ethan's mother and father are on a national list as offenders.
At the time of all this, Ethan was only 16, so when his parent's were jailed, Ethan was in need of a legal guardian- someone to handle this multimillion dollar trust and make sure he was taken care of. He requires an aid daily to fix him meals, clean his home and give him baths.
Ethan was assigned a legal guardian thanks to the great state of Ohio. This guardian is located 50 miles away and also serves as the guardian to over 13 other kids in different situations. If there were ever a case of abuse, this is it.
After being in Ethan's life for over 3 months now, it is apparent that this guardian is neglectful and careless toward Ethan. She quite literally has not returned his phone calls in 8 weeks, no matter how many messages he leaves with her secretary. Ethan would like to purchase a digital camera for Christmas, to take pictures of his friends and family around the holidays- he even emailed his guardian the exact one. It has been 6 weeks and nothing so much as a response has been heard. This guardian sold his home, moved him to a retirement home for 3 months (at the tender age of 20) and gives him absolutely no access to any of his multimillion dollar trust. He lives day to day- rent included- off of his food stamps and monthly SSI check.
There is a laundry list of acts of negligence by this guardian and it is quite simply abuse toward a disabled person. The State of Ohio needs to do an evaluation of her business practices and the trust, because this is the lowest, most irresponsible form of neglect there is.

International Travel in the USA- The TSA

Here you are, around the holidays, planning your winter vacation during holiday break. Desiring warm weather, tropical beaches and exotic men (or women), you log onto such websites as Priceline, Orbitz and Travelocity for the best travel deal. You buy that discounted swimsuit because really, who else is buying a new bikini in the dead of winter but vacationers? You get your passport up to date, pay last minute bills, check with your credit card company and pack your bag to travel internationally. That is where the excitement stops.
Upon arrival at the airport, you are hassled, harassed and treated like a 3rd class citizen in your own country by a TSA worker with the IQ of a 9 year old and an overgrown ego. Your carefully packed bag gets haphazardly tossed onto a moving ramp to hopefully end up where you do.
Here comes the fun part: security. Forced to undress down to almost our underwear, we are forced to proceed as cattle- guilty cattle. Barefoot and now totally stressed out, we are forced to walk through metal detectors with our toes touching all sorts of disease that hasn't been cleaned off the floor for months. The TSA doesn't concern itself with comfort or respect for others. Make sure your liquids are less than 3 ounces and zipped up in a bag! This government encourages being green but insists you buy all new travel-sized mouthwashes and shampoo. We all know you can't blow up an airplane with a 3 ounce bottle of Pantene Pro-V, but who knows what the 20 ounce is capable of?!
You're through security after having to show your passport more times than fathomably necessary and you're onto your gate. Chances are, you have to wait for whatever delay the airport decides is trendy at the moment, so don't take your sleeping pill too early.
Finally, hop on your plane and go. The vacation is what you looked forward to this whole time, right? I mean, you didn't skip dessert for the past two weeks for nothing!
Time to come home. Hopefully freshly tanned, be prepared for one of the most degrading and stressful situations any human has to deal with- United States Customs Authorities. Get off the plane and be immediately shuffled into a line longer than any you'd see at a crowded amusement park and be prepared to wait. Forget jet-lag, the asshole TSA associates will make you even sicker.
You get up to the desk and are immediately incriminated as a menace to your own country. "Why did you leave? What are you coming back with? Where EXACTLY did you go? What was the reason for this alleged 'vacation' ?" This is only the beginning. You'll pass the first TSA troll to finally pick up your checked bag, thankful to be free to simply go home. Oh, but the TSA won't make it that easy on you.
"Step over here" says the toothless hillbilly in a uniform who was unexplainably given some sort of power.
Gloves go on, and the zipper of the bag comes off. All of a sudden, you're standing in the middle of a crowd of strangers, explaining to a TSA authority that it really is sand on you bathing suit. And yes, that is your underwear. I understand my bra was expensive, but I promise you it is no risk to national security.
This whole process takes an added hour, so hope those who are picking you up know the drill.
I've traveled to many other countries, and I have never been so interrogated as I was coming back into my own. The United States makes a legal citizen- simply arriving back home from a vacation- feel like a felon. What happened to "innocent until proven guilty?". What happened to our fifth amendment Constitutional right to own private property? My bottle of shampoo poses no risk to this country, there's no need to confiscate it for "national security reasons".
TSA authorities are amongst the worst people in the world, and since so many worldwide have to deal with them, I imagine the feeling transcends national borders. The United States of America makes it unnecessarily difficult to travel to other countries, probably because people will realize, "Wow, America is certainly not the greatest nation in the world". If the toothless hillbilly was given power over a woman with a Master's Degree, the man with a Ph.D in psycholinguistics and the World War II veteran, what kind of nation is this?
I had it easy- I was carrying an American Passport. One can only imagine how difficult it must be for someone with an Iranian passport, a Saudi Arabian one, or essentially anywhere in the middle east.
So travelers looking to get out to sunnier pastures this season, do yourself a favor and just stay there. The trek back isn't worth it.

So as a progressive member of today's youth, I find that I am one of many to say "no" to cable television. This is because of course there are 500 channels on digital cable today of which I am familiar with about 12, and the chances of something worth while being on is close to 0%. So why would I pay $50 a month to find that out?
But I do believe that the one thing anyone familiar with television can agree on, is that the most annoying aspect about watching television today is... commercials. The good shows don't have them, like programs on HBO or Shotime. But these broadcasts are not completely devoid of ads at all, but rely more on a (sometimes) subtle product placement- far preferable to a 45 second ad for hemmorhoid creme.
Back on the subject of the television rebellion, I opt against cable but I do maintain a strong, quick internet connection to watch whatever my heart desires, my choice and commercial free. Almost.
While attempting to watch the newest "Dexter" I ran into the problem that my browser was not loading fast enough. I would wait and wait and only be able to watch about 30 seconds at a time before having to stop and reload. This didn't bother me so much (I was making dinner at the time, and able to focus on something other than the loading screen), but what got to me were the apparantly impossible-to-escape commercials. Not just that these commercials were present, but the fact that they were completely loaded and ready to play perfectly in an instant, while the show I actually wanted to watch took about 45 minutes. So this episode of South Park is taking forever, but that ad for Mitsubishi was fast and loaded immediately?! How they do it, I don't know, but for future reference, Hulu and TV-Dome, contact Trojan condoms to see what kind of connection they're using, because they are blowing you out of the water.
Well I don't, but I do make sure I have a strong and fast internet connection at all time.

Get me to Cali

As a girl who was born and raised in Ohio, I have the typical dream of moving to California. For years I have dreamt of the sun, the sand and the liberal environment of the west coast- not to mention the style! But everyday, that dream seems just a little harder to get to. Not only are the unemployment rates in California higher than anywhere else in the country, the cost of living is too.
Having just graduated from undergrad, I thought that the most logical way to ease myself into the west coast would be to start graduate studies somewhere. I took the LSATS with the intention of going to law school in Cali. Unfortunately, the economy rears it's ugly head yet again by offering no financial aid to students in the state of California. So I thought of attending a career school- cosmetology or massage therapy- and ran into the same problem. The state of California has no money, no jobs and no room for outsiders. This isn't even considering mass wildfires, intense debt and earthquakes.
Not only that, but a recent article published on OrganizedWisdom.com rates California as having 6 or the top 10 most polluted cities in the country. So the state is broke, dirty and still a million times more desirable than Ohio. I post this blog as a jumping off point. Perhaps I will keep up with the status on moving to California with no money and few connections. Anyone with any tips?